Church Managers

Church Managers are the highest level of authority within a local church. Local Church Reverends report to the local Church Manager. In order to avoid the risk of spirituality disrupting cash flow, local clergy require the approval of their Church Manager before they can do or say anything that has not been passed down from Church of Infinitiaty headquarters.

The Church Manager is responsible for maximizing local donations to the church, making sure that local church affairs run smoothly, and keeping the church infrastructure in good working order. For example, each day after services, the Church Manager must check for and scoop up any loose change that might have fallen behind the pew cushions. That change is sent to Church of Infinitiaty headquarters weekly. Once a month, the Church Manager must scrupulously check the pews to ensure that they are still angled back sufficiently to encourage change to slide out of parishioners' pockets.

It is not made clear to Church Managers when they join the church, but there is no documentary evidence, in any public records, of the existence of anyone above Church Managers assuming responsibility for church affairs. Thus, Church Managers will be the defendants in any civil lawsuits or criminal charges against the church. Church Managers must assume full responsibility for any and all legal fees they incur.

Because they are at the front lines of cash flow generation for the Church of Infinitiaty, Church Managers are kept honest by always-on video cameras that link directly to Church of Infinitiaty headquarters.

Church Managers can be franchise-holders or they may be employees of the franchise-holders. If franchisees, their income is the puny percentage they receive from the donations taken in at their churches. If employees, the franchisee is free to hire and fire them and set their salaries.